The train took control

Yesterday while at swim practice I had a seizure, it has been nearly five years maybe more since I have had one.  I was in the middle of swimming 200 yards, I felt a little funny but it might just be because I was pushing myself.  As I neared the deep ended I realized that was not the case......

My right arm began to go limp as it does when I have a complex partial seizure, I made it to the ladder.  I thought if I could just pull myself out maybe it would pass with out much incident.  Boy was I wrong,  I ended up pulling myself out of the water with just my left arm and falling onto the cement.  I looked up from the ground and saw my coach running towards me asking if I was okay.  Is voice sounded a million miles away.  I slipped into the seizure without being able to say anything, I felt fear but as fast as it begin it was over.  I could hear someone say "I think she is having a seizure, does anyone know if she has seizures".  I had enough strength to tap my coach on the foot and he said "I think she is trying to say she does"...

I slowly came to and I began to sob and wail, it sounds like a deep guttural cry for help, like an animal.  It scares me so much and I am always unable to control it. One of my team mates along with my coach was kneeling next to me.  I fought  hard to come out of it and to speak.  I was able to get out I have a seizures for nearly 30 years an then talk to the paramedics on the phone and tell them not to come out.

Fifteen minutes later I was up and walking out along with my coach and team mate who drove me home.  My right side of my body was so weak and felt detached from my body, after the seizure I like my life spill out onto my teammate and I couldn't stop crying.

Today is another day my brain feels like mush, I am tired and  overwhelmed with life.  Once again the train inside me awoke and I lost control and its the way it is.  I rode it out, survived and I am moving on.

I am scared having a seizure in the water has never happened.  I am proud I got myself out, I had enough wits about me to say " I am not going to let a lifeguard rescue me.  What doesn't kill me makes me stronger